Friends with benefits

Who wouldn’t want to have sex with no strings attached and no commitments, other than to have sex with that person(s), not only will you have sex with no commitments but it will be free.  That is friends with benefits (FWB).  For most people this is the ideal way to go.  There is no stress and no worries. 

Let’s get a few things straight though, when doing a FWB both of you need to understand that it is just sex.  You are going to use the other one for sex and that’s the reality of it.  It is defiantly not of the weak hearted, and is not for everyone.  And that’s ok.  However, if you do decided to go this route of sexual pleasure it is best to have it with someone that is as mature as you and can handle having sex without feelings.  Now the common story with FWB is that both parties start off strong, strong being no feelings just fun sex with no attachments. But soon one person always starts having feelings for the other one.  And that other person wants nothing but sex and nothing else.  This is when you both just need to stop. It is for the best because it will save a lot of hurt and drama.  And pain and drama is not what FWB is about. 

Now some people wonder why one would need a FWB.  Well there are a few reasons:

1.       It’s free sex

2.       It’s easy sex

3.       There is no commitment

4.       You don’t have to go through the hassle of finding someone to have sex with (i.e going off to the bars and buying drinks and trying to flirt and catch another girls and or guys attention)

5.       Most people are busy whether it is with school or work and is some cases kids. And need an easy stress relief that doesn’t involve drugs.

6.       It’s always a phone call away

These are just a few reasons why a FWB is beneficial to have.  Now if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend already then hopefully you wouldn’t need a FWB.   But if you don’t have one then this is the ideal way to go.  Just remember it’s just sex. Have some fun with it.

Holding on to your relationship

Its always easy to start the relationship.  You call eachother all to time or text.  You love being around eachother at all times and can't stand to be apart from eachother and you never fight.  Both of you are smitten with the other and love to tell your friends what amazing things you two have done for eachother and how amazing the other one is.  But soon after all this it all starts to fade.  Soon your looking forward to time alone with out the other right there breathing down your neck.  The arguments start acting up from the littlest of things, but blow up to world war 3.  You debate whether or not you want to be apart of this relationship anymore, but fight with yourself saying she made me so happy before I know it can happen again.  Well I can tell you right now that she could still make you happy and you can still make her happy.  First step is to be there without being there.  Thats some advice that was given to me by a 50 year married couple.  When I asked my cousin Fritz how he was able to stay married for so long, thats exactly what he told me. "Be there, with out being there"  Meaning its always good to support your significant other.  Support the shit out of them.  But you also need to know that the other does need their space and does not need to be smootherd.  So step back a little bit and let the other person have their space to be their own person.  Something that really works for me in my relationships in college atleast. Is that I see my GF here and there around school and we talk on the phone during the day here and there.  But I mostly hang out with her only on weekends.  She has a job and school to worry about during the week and doesn't need any more pressure to make time to do homework and see me and Vica Versa.  Another way to help the relationship prolong itself is to not get jealous.  Jealousy ruins everything do not just jump to assumptions, know your other loves you and doesn't want to hurt you.  Its always good to have friends of the opposite sex.  Trust is a big factor.  If there is something you are ify about then when there is a good time and place, ask the other about what was going on. In an adult fashion explain your feelings to them.  And always reasure the other person of your feelings for them and how much you care about them.  This is just a simple way to help your relationship.  However if you are cohabitating with your other one of the main ways to help your relationship is to always help the other out.  Don't just let one do the dishes all the time. Alternate chores and make time to go out with your friends.  They will help save your realtionship.  And men always remember one thing. THE WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

How to cheat...and get away with it

Any person can cheat, its whether or not you can get away with it.  Well speaking as a person who has done it and has gotten away with it multiple times, I can give some great advice on how to pull it off.  First thing before you cheat on your significant other, is to do your "research homework" and find a person that doesnt know your significant other.  Now this isn't an easy thing to do esecially in college, you'll soon find out that a lot of people has your significant otehr in a class or has a mutual friend.  Trust me I made one mistake when I was in California where I was seeing three girls who didnt know eachother at all, but had one common friend, that soon messed it up for me.  SO make sure that you find out what friends they have.  Second is to eliminate evidence of another girl in your life. Facebook and Myspace are the devil when it comes to this.  When your playing this game you have to make sure know one can view your wall and even taged photos.  Also if you have girls stay the night you have to make sure that you can clean up after, this goes down to every detail as in febreeze your sheets and pillows after they leave to get rid of the body spray smell that girls leave behind, and also search the pillows for any left behind strands of hair.  And the real killer that ive noticed many girls leave behind is bobby pins. So make sure you clean up after your guest.  Also you need to know your time line you have with them there.  Know your unsuspecting others schedule.  Third, be able to rely on your friends with information, if you need time away from your other you need to be able to tell him or her that you are going out with your friends and know your friends will be able to cover up for you.  And you even need to be able to trust them to not say anythin to other people that you are seeing so and so or even to discuss what it is that you do with whoever it is.  Fourth, and the most important one is you need to be able to keep your story straight. What ever lie you feed your significant other, you must be able to remember what you told them and stay true to your story.  Do not stumble over your words and talk with confidence. 
When you cheat you need to be able to still reasure your Girlfriend or Boyfriend that they are the love of your life and that they mean the world to you and be able to spend as much time with them as possible.  I am not trying to encourage cheating but if you are going to follow these four steps and you should be golden.
I know growing up in California it was more common to be in a relationship that was unfaithful than acutally a loyal one.  And it doesnt have to do with actual sex with other people but the boy or girl flirting a lot with other people and talkin to them more than the one they are with.   But for the most part cheating was almost expected it was whether or not you can pull it off wiht the other never finding out.  It is immoral but its what I grew up knowing.  Coming to North Dakota I have never seen so many long term relationships in which they are completely faithful to the other.  To me its just to boring.  You get bored with the other person and to comfortable with habbit and routine. and thats just dull and uneventful. When you have someone on the side you still have excitement in the realtionship which has lead to longer relationships and a more fun one in my opinion.   

The red flag

Let me tell you about another girl.  When I say girl I really mean Bitch.  This is the type of girl that every part of her being screams Code Red.  Everyone warns you about her and you agree with them, but at the same time your drawn to her, you dont know why.  Something about this girl attracts you and you know she is nothing but bad news. Well this is the girl my Ex-girlfriend is, Heather.  From the first week I was with her I tried to break up with her every month, but some how I was trapped for over a year.  She is a classic Succubus.  First lesson, if you think a girl is bad news, she probably is go with your gut instinct. Second lesson, even if she cries and cries and cries and pleads with you not to leave her, tell her to shut up and just leave.  Usually your gut instinct is right about these sort of things and there is reasons why you want to dump the bitch.  Learn from my mistakes do not get trapped in this hell a girl like this can put you through.  Not only will she put you through hell but she will make you feel bad for things that are clearly her problem and fault.  When dealing with girls like these I have learned that it is best to use them and loose them.  Not only will you loose your money but you will loose your self respect. This type of girl will take you for a wild ride you dont want to be on.  She cheated on me multiple times, unfortunatley I didn't find out until after it was over. And how it ended was her going on a date and making out with my friend (who I thought was my friend) right in front of me. Funny thing was I stopped trying to break up with her and was actually getting into the relationship.  Its like she grew on me. Then next thing I know I was drinking heavily.  I was drunk at school, drunk all day.  I lost 15lbs in 2 days, I was in another hell hole.  This type of reaction to this type of situation was not the way to go.  If this happeneds to you guys/girls, don't mask it with alcohol or drugs. Just find a good friend and surround yourself with their happiness.

Girl 1

As I aged and developed into my man hood. I was always faced with different women.  This all started at a young age, but I want to bring you into my 8th grade year of Jr. High, Jackie.  Like how most people become involved, this started out as a friendship.  We hung out all the time at school and after school.  Never actually gave it a title.  She really wanted to date and I like most young men at this age loved the thought of multiple girls not just one. Well after some months went by and we were freshmans in High School, I finally gave in to all our arguments and discussions on why I needed to date her and that she "loved" me and we started dating.  Unfortunatley I did not want to deal with the whole relationship thing at times.  Which was problem number one.  I cared for her a lot but I still wanted to be a freshman in High School so I was off with my friends a lot during lunch periods and breaks. Well one day I saw her with another guy, it didn't bother me but then people started saying they hang out all the time in PE and that the always are together.  and she goes to his house for lunch. Then one day she walks up to me and breaks up with me for him.  It hurt a lot. More than I thought it would.  Here is where my life went down the drain.  I was so upset and depressed that a aquaintance of mine offered me an "easy way" out.  This was my first experiece with drugs.  It started off at Marijuana but then that wasn't enough.  It soon escaladed to Cocaine and thats where everything went to hell.  I was hooked. I was doing it everyday, I would go through dramatic mood swings I had severe weight loss and felt lost in a world of white.  Finally after awhile of this I woke up one morning and tried to stop cold turkey.  I felt as if the sky had crashed down onto me. I was twitching, I couldnt talk. My body was cold and hot. So finally I just went and got some and snorted it in the bathroom.  I looked in the mirror and hated who I saw.  So with some courage from my friends I told my parents.  They helped me kick the habbit. I can honestly to this day say that drugs do not help with prolems at all.  and that no girl is ever worth that much pain.  Unfortuantely it took me some years to figure that out.

Introduction

Has anyone ever wondered about the do's and don'ts in relationships? Well I have, and I'm pretty sure that I have also commited every don't in a relationship possible.  Well thats what I have choosen to write about that and upsets you can go through in relationships and how to handle them.  In these next few blogs I will take you through a few different past and present relationships of mine and write about some situations and how to handle them.